


you'll know the times i have cried for you

by serendipityinwords



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, POV Bellamy Blake, Reunion Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-05-04 11:14:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14591814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serendipityinwords/pseuds/serendipityinwords
Summary: Bellamy and Clarke see each other again for the first time in six years.From Bellamy's POV





	you'll know the times i have cried for you

**Author's Note:**

> I have never said a bad thing about the one hundred in my entire life.
> 
> Title from Count Every Star by The Ravens because I listened to it on a loop while writing this!
> 
> Spoilers for 503, obviously!

Bellamy doesn’t believe Madi, he realizes. Not fully, not quite. All the way over in the rover, when she’s explaining how Clarke stayed alive and how she got captured, he doesn’t believe her. Even as he’s hatching a plan to save her and as he's explaining it to this child he’s never seen before and, therefore, couldn’t possibly conjure up, he doesn’t feel like any of this is real.

When Madi had initially brought him to the rover, hand in hand, he stared a little too long. 

“Clarke took really good care of it,” she said as if she was replying to a question he had asked. She said her name again, he realized slightly belatedly. Bellamy very nearly winced. He turned to look at her. Despite the urgency of the situation, there was an underlying curiosity on her face. She cocked her head to the side in a way that was so familiar, it felt like a kick to a chest. He still didn’t dare believe. He felt like she was expecting some sort of reaction from him, but for the life of him, he didn't know how to react.  Bellamy settled on nodding very slowly. Madi didn’t look very satisfied at that, which was again, too familiar for him to dwell on. She had gotten a little impatient. “Is it like you remember it?” she blurted out, looking a little embarrassed.  _No_ , he wanted to say, _Maybe_ , he wanted to say, _I can’t_ _remember_. Instead, he only smiled at her, even though it felt strange on his face. Still, he was genuinely glad when she smiled back. She settled in the rover at that, he got in the driver's seat and then he drove.

He knows he’s a little rusty, but he doesn’t think it should feel like he’s driving through molasses. He’d been breathing artificial oxygen for more than he’d like, but the air still feels strange here. Maybe he's just not breathing right.

It’s mostly silent in the rover, though the nervous energy Madi’s radiating puts him on edge. He thinks it might be because even though she clearly recognizes him, he’s still a stranger. There’s also the fact that Clarke is apparently alive, but might not be for long.

There’s that.

There’s no part of Bellamy that’s calm, he feels like there’s something buzzing beneath his skin. He grips his hands tighter on the steering wheel so they don't shake. He clears his throat. “So, when I raise my hand and make a fist—” he begins for the third time.

“I drive away. I know, I know.” She doesn’t roll her eyes, but it’s a close thing. He swallows a surprised laugh. Maybe he isn’t as much of a stranger to her as he thinks he is. He wants to ask her what else Clarke had said about him, but this was neither the time nor place. There’s also the fact that knowing more about their lives on earth would force him to confront the reality of the situation. That would mean unlearning the million ways he learned to cope with the Clarke Griffin shaped hole in his chest. That would mean hoping for something entirely impossible.

As if she picked up on what Bellamy had so badly wanted to ask moments ago, she turns to regard him. “You’re not as handsome as she said you were,” Madi decides all of a sudden. He’s just about to make a turn when he takes in what she just said and swerves just a little off-track. Bellamy corrects himself as subtly as possible, but he knows the damage is done. He tentatively looks over at her, hoping she doesn’t remark on his, frankly, exaggerated reaction to an innocuous statement. She doesn’t, but she raises both her eyebrows in a way that makes him feel like he’s not as smooth as he’d like to think.

“Thanks,” he manages to say, mostly dry.

“Turn right here,” she tells him, and that’s that.

He does a good job of not thinking about what he’s driving toward and the plan he’s made until they pull up to the village. He can’t see her yet, but the amount of people surrounding the area with guns in their hands makes his stomach drop. He’s been feeling like there’s an extra layer of dirt on his skin since he strangled that guy on the ship earlier. He’s acutely aware of how much worse it would feel if the Eligius crew don’t rise to the bait.

Those thoughts fly out of the window, though, when he finally sees a limp figure lying face down on the ground. His chest squeezes painfully. He knows this is real now. Whether it’s because him seeing Clarke in pain awakens a long dormant part of his brain and bigger part of his heart, or because the urge to save her has almost always over-ridden everything else (until it didn’t), he doesn’t know. It doesn’t matter. Clarke’s alive and the feelings threatening to break his ribcage open can wait.

He only snaps out of it when he hears Madi cock a gun, clearly ready to jump out of the rover with him.

“Madi, no.” She pauses to look at him, frowning. He’s afraid she won’t listen for a second. Why would she? He’s no one to her and the only person she loves is as close to dying as Madi’s ever seen her. Bellamy has a little more experience in that area in any case. “Take the Rover back; that’s the plan,” he reminds her, not unkindly. She still looks at him uneasily, but she relaxes a little. “I won’t let anything happen to Clarke. I promise.”

He means it more than he meant it the first time, when he said that same thing to Abby. He’s already lost her once. He’s gone six fucking years without her. He doesn’t let how much he hated being without her set in until that very moment.

It was the _worst_.

There’s not a whole lot that can stop him from saving her this time. She must see the truth on his face, written as clear as day, or might at least know him well enough from Clarke’s stories to know that he's dead serious, because she nods. He sighs in relief. That’s one less thing Clarke will have to worry about.

Someone shines a light on them. He winces, turning away slightly.

“Come out with your hands high!” The voice is commanding and leaves no room for questions at all. That’s fine by Bellamy. If all goes according to plan, there won’t be any need for questions.

He feels around for the mug he brought from the ship, and when he finds it, he looks over at Madi one last time. He’d only met her less than half an hour ago, but he hopes really hard that she’ll find her way back safely. She nods at him once, her face grave, and Bellamy feels a little better. She’s a lot more competent than most kids he’s met. Despite this whole situation, despite the fact that he was sure Clarke wasn’t alive less than an hour ago, despite what he might have to do and he’s about to do, he feels a swell of pride for Clarke for raising her.

He gets out of the rover with his arms raised. He tries not to let his gaze linger on Clarke now that he can see her clearly. Still, he manages to look at her for a few seconds. Her eyes are wide open, her hair slightly shorter than he remembered, but. She’s the exact same she’s always been. He’s loved her exactly the way she is since he’d known her, since he’d _really_ known her. The realization is enough to make him want to drop this whole plan, grab her, and just run. He wants to physically touch her so the rest of his senses can catch up to the fact that Clarke Griffin survived the end of the world.

But, he stays rooted to the ground. She might not be dead, but he’s learned enough in the years he’d been gone to not make the stupid mistakes he used to make. She’s not dead and he’s going to keep it that way.

“I’m unarmed,” he declares loudly. He cheats and sneaks another glance at her when he’s a little closer before he starts to turn his attention to the lady he thinks is calling the shots. He spots the bruises on her face before he can do that, though, a clear indication of what had been happening before he got there. He swallows hard. He’s seen worse on her, of course. But it never gets any easier. Still, the fact that she’s here, that she’s real, it splits him right open, right down the middle, right across his chest. He feels like he’s made of too much suddenly, and he's spilling all over. He clenches his fists. Unclenches. And he goes on. “I just want to talk.”

“Talk?” the woman asks, incredulously. “Give me one good reason not to kill you where you stand.”

Here he goes. He’s doing what he’d hoped he would never have to do again; bargaining with lives, playing god. In the end, the moral implications pale before her safety. He’d sell his soul over and over again for her. He’d do it a million times. “How about I give you 283?” He’s a little pleased when her jaw slackens and she shares a look with the guy next to her. It’s the most emotion he’s seen on her face since he got out of the rover. Bellamy remembers this being more difficult than it is. He used to leave the negotiating to Clarke. But that’s not an option. Failure isn’t an option. “That’s how many people are going to die, if you and I can’t make a deal.”

He hears Clarke’s tiny sobs then. It takes every single bit of willpower he has not to look. He wants to go to her more than ever. More than when she was heart-broken and slightly selfish, and, so, so young. More than when he had a heart full of forgiveness and only one place to go. More than when she was just a girl and she cried because she couldn’t talk to her mother. But he stays where he is. His hands shake with the effort, and he think he’s going to cry any second now, but he stays where he is.

He holds up the mug instead, relieved when recognition dawns on her face. She’s stunned into silence. He relishes it before he’s reminded of the girl in the rover. He raises his hand and makes a fist just like they had planned. He feels another swell of pride when she starts the engine and backs away immediately. Clarke lets out a choked, relieved sound. Six years later and he still knows exactly what she needs. Thank god for small miracles.

He starts walking toward them, emboldened when no one does anything. A little more, and he can check on her. He can hold her in her arms, if that’s what she still wants. He can because she’s here.

It’s Clarke, and she’s right here.

“That’s far enough,” the woman commands. He doesn’t want to, but he stops in his tracks, not wanting to push his luck. He’s unarmed, surrounded by dangerous ex-cons with big guns, and Clarke’s their prisoner. Even with the leverage he has, the odds aren’t exactly in their favor.

“283 lives for one,” she says. Her face remains as impassive as ever, but he thinks he hears a bit of surprise in her voice, maybe a bit of admiration. Definitely some disgust. “She must be pretty important to you.”

He’s stunned for a second. Important? Clarke was a part of his heart he had never fully learned to live without. Before she was a real thing right in front of him, bleeding black instead of red, she was a ghost that haunted him whenever he shut his eyes and sometimes when he didn’t. Clarke Griffin, even when he thought she couldn’t possibly exist anywhere, in any capacity, had a hold on him he was sure no one would ever be able to break. Was she important to him?

Bellamy had flung himself out of space for a million reasons. The food was terrible, they were all getting just a little bit too stir-crazy, he missed his sister, and he could go on. But, now, with Clarke—real and staring up at him with love he can’t even begin to comprehend— he wonders if he only had one.

This time Bellamy looks at her. He holds her gaze. He doesn’t drop it once. They’re six years late, and maybe terribly out-of-sync, but he knows Clarke sees him all the same. Exactly as he is.

“She is.”

**Author's Note:**

> i'm rubysvida on tumblr!


End file.
